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With these long summer afternoons, I sometimes get seduced by the sun still high up in the sky and think I can keep working. But in order to do so, what I need to do is take a “power nap.” You know, step away from my desk, find a quiet place to lie down, get comfortable and relaxed, and sleep for about 20 to 30 minutes. When I wake up, I feel refreshed and am able to think more clearly.

When I awoke from one of my power naps recently, I was reminded of some of the complaints that I heard from singles over the years. Many said that they would be comfortable in their relationships, only to wake up one day to the realization that the relationship had no future. I would often be asked, “How did this happen?” Well, most likely you avoided facing the problem areas in your relationship that indicated a lack of compatibility. You got all comfortable and relaxed, took a “nap” for a couple of months, or maybe even years, and now you finally woke up.

This week's article addresses the topic of compatibility, and what it takes to stay awake and aware to keep your relationship moving forward. The sun may seduce you into taking naps, but at least you'll know what you'll be waking up to.

Many singles have written to me complaining that the people that they desire as life partners do not necessarily desire them. As you will see from the questions that I’ve selected, the writers are aware of an “imperfection” or “limitation” within themselves and want to find a way to be accepted despite them.

Q. I am a divorced 58 year old man with no children. At some point during the dating process the topic of money comes up and rightly so. However I have found the women I go out with make financial demands beyond my level. Why can’t women see the many other contributions I can make to a relationship rather than judging me solely on my finances? Mike

Q. How can I find a male partner a little over 70 who isn't looking for chicks? The other day I saw an ad on the net -- a man over 70 seeking a spouse between 18-30. I have not met many viable candidates although I have so much to offer. All, except youth.Sue

Q. At 5’2-1/2”, I am shorter than the average American woman and man. Although I am thin and strive to keep in decent physical condition, it is difficult for me to find women who’ll date me. Even when I go to an event and have an enjoyable conversation for an extended period of time, most will refuse to date me when I ask them out. They say that they are looking for someone who is 5’8” or taller. I am becoming discouraged. How do I cope with the reality of my height? Peter

I had been asked to write an article about the dating challenges and opportunities for people who are "middle-aged and beyond." Many are widowed or divorced, and it's important to acknowledge that their previous experiences with marriage, whether good or bad, can impact one's dating relationships.

“Middle-aged and beyond” is a very difficult age group to define. While Jewish philosophy believes that we are all capable, and should, live to be 120, that would make middle-aged to be around 60. However, with current life expectancies in the 80?s, “middle aged” is actually considered to be around 40 years of age.

Since most men and women in their forties prefer not to be labeled “middle-aged,” I think it preferable to discuss the dating challenges and opportunities of “older singles.” While I hesitate attaching a specific chronological age range to define even that, what I say below can actually apply to singles of all ages.

Typically however, older singles are dating because they have re-entered the dating scene after a divorce or death of a spouse, or they have never married and are continuing the search for a life partner that began when they were younger.

As many singles have discovered, "virtual" dating is very different than "actual" dating.

Q. About 6 weeks ago I met a man on a website who lives 1,000 miles away. After emailing each other, we moved to talking on the phone. We are both divorced, and have many common experiences, interests and life goals. We have even talked about what our lives would be like if we got married. He is in a much better position to travel to meet me, but it hasn?t happened yet. In the meantime, he emails me every day, even sends romantic “e-cards,” and says very endearing things when we speak on the phone. I know that I like him a lot, but I?m confused and uncomfortable because I’m afraid he?s falling in love with me. I don’t know what is appropriate without having met him yet. Any suggestions?

A. If you had met this man in person prior to being geographically separated, you’d have much more to go on, and build on, by staying in contact virtually. It’s understandable that you’d be confused since your relationship has no actual, physical ground on which to stand. This is because the internet and telephone can create environments where it is easier to let down your guard and create a “pseudo-intimacy.”

A. You have bravely brought up an issue that concern many, many singles -- their "packaging." Men and women looking for a life partner will have a shopping list of what they're looking for, with "must be attractive" at the top. Unfortunately, in this day and age, "thin" is the preferred package. So while your question asks "how do I find a man who will accept me?" you brought up a more essential point when you said that you are "full-figured" and "coming to terms with my weight."

Are you saying that you are actually overweight? If you are within normal medical weight ranges for your height, while you may not be thin, you are considered healthy. But if you exceed these medical ranges, it's important to look at WHY you are overweight.

Singles searching for a life partner relationship frequently experience setbacks in their efforts because they have pre-conceived ideas about dating and relationships. These myths – or dating traps – cause singles to make the same mistakes, albeit in different relationships, and keep them from understanding what to look for while dating.

The questions that I answer below will provide examples of how singles buy into dating myths that trap them in an alternate reality. If you have been frustrated in your efforts to get closer to commitment, then you too may be stuck in a dating trap. So please continue sending me your questions and other dating dilemmas so that I can dispel the dating myths preventing you from finding and creating the kind of loving and fulfilling relationship you want.

Q. My profession (trading) has been a series of ups and downs – one year I could earn six figures, and another year I may barely pay my bills. I?m afraid to date women until I either find myself having a few good years in a row or until I change my career for a more steady income. Any suggestions?

A. You have fallen into a few dating traps that, unfortunately, many singles fall into. The first one is putting your life on hold because it isn’t perfect. I don’t know what you mean by waiting until you have “a few good years in a row,” but it sounds to me like you would be alone that much longer. The second dating trap you have fallen into is believing the myth that a man?s value and desirability is measured by how successful he is in business.

Since you asked for suggestions, you can be sure that what I say will serve to dispel these myths, and hopefully help you to avoid them in the future.

I just got back from my August vacation. As many people do before they take a vacation break, I tried to tie up loose ends so I could enjoy my days off. But then the blackout hit! For those of us in my Manhattan neighborhood, the blackout lasted for about 15 hours, which was enough time to ensure that many of my loose ends would remain loose. So much for getting this newsletter out before I left! Suddenly, the newsletter deadline, and other deadlines, seemed impossible to meet.

This experience reminded me of when, as a college student, I learned that I did not do well with rapidly approaching deadlines. So I planned to finish term papers a week before they were due, because it was the best way to handle my anxieties. This way, I learned something about myself and put that self-knowledge to good use in structuring my life. Having this piece of self-knowledge is an example of how I learned to trust my instincts and follow my "inner gyroscope." This strategy has given me the confidence to make many important decisions throughout my life and career. Knowing how I feel, what I stand for, and what I want has helped me to make sound decisions to be a better parent, coach, clinician and partner.

This week's article, "Know Yourself," is about having the confidence to trust your instincts. I know that it isn't always easy for singles to do this, especially when you may have loved ones saying that they know better about what you should do. I say, don't be seduced by what others say. It's your life, and only you will be living it.

Q. I have been dating for six years and have rebuffed many men who wanted to either marry or be serious with me. I feel lonely but unwilling to settle or commit because of two failed marriages. I have lost confidence in my judgment. I seem to prefer edgy men who are ultimately unavailable, to the sweet guys who flip for me. I would love your advice.

[I received this same question from 2 men of vastly differing ages.] Q. I am going through a prolonged divorce. As you are aware, the whole process can take a long time. What I’d like to know is this: how do I present myself to prospective dates? Some women do not care, while others don’t want to have anything to do with me.

A. With the divorce rate hovering around 55% these days, it was inevitable that I would receive a question about how “separated” singles ought to conduct themselves when they begin dating again. As I see it, a man without a divorce is at a disadvantage – you are competing with men who are available to marry while you’re not. If a woman is dating to find a husband, and you cannot give her a timeframe as to when you’ll be able to remarry, then you could be accused of just playing with her heartstrings. Of course there are those women who, as you’ve discovered, don’t care. But if a relationship is not meeting a woman’s needs, she may easily decide to go on to someone else in the hopes of having something consecrated sooner.